Legal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. The man paid him with crisp new $100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two bills had stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.
The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. more...

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn't afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It's a '70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the proto-typical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch yourself and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires.
I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this crazy, over aerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up. Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance.
She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you idiot." I'm a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she yells, "Jerk" at me again. Twice? I turn around and drive up next to her.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask.
"Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"
"I was driving like more...

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer.

The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research." The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, “You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can. ”
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, “You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split. ”

In his legal practice, Abraham Lincoln was never greedy for fees and discouraged unnecessary litigation. A man came to him in a passion, asking him to bring a suit for $2.50 against an impoverished debtor.
Lincoln tried to dissuade him, but the man was determined upon revenge.
When he saw that the creditor was not to be put off, Lincoln asked for and got $10 as his legal fee. He gave half of this to the defendant, who thereupon willingly confessed to the debt and paid up the $2.50, thus settling the matter to the entire satisfaction of the irate plaintiff.

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."

"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."