Legal Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, thats the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no more...
As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The doctor answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To fetch a pail of Water. Jack fell down And broke his crown, And sued the farmer And his daughter.
The English language is not to be spoken. You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. Kites may not be flown within the city limits. It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck. Spitting is forbidden It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits. One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth. Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. Cars may not be driven through the town. Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be more...