Less Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Less and less all the time.
Q: How many believable, more...
Stanley got a job painting the yellow stripes on the highway. His first day he dipped his brush into the bucket and managed to paint an entire mile of yellow lines. The second day he painted half a mile. The rthird day a quarter of a mile.
On the fourth day Stanley's boss showed up and asked, "How come each day you seem to paint less and less?"
"Well, sir," explained Stanley, "that's because each day I get farther and farther away from the bucket."
A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
After first seeing Microsoft’s slogan for its New Windows XP operating system, “it just works, ” I couldn’t help wondering: what were the slogans for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they became obvious.
Windows 1. 0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2. 0: Still funny, isn’t it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we’re still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3. 0: It’s finally worth buying!
Windows 3. 1: It’s finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1. 0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2. 0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3. 0: Which part of “more hardware” do you not understand?
NT 3. 5: With enough hardware, I’d work. Honest.
NT 4. 0: Does less than Win98 with twice more...
Cunning Chinese scientists invented fireworks centuries before Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner. Their favorite little sparkler was a plunder-triggered land mine known as
"Underground Sky-Soaring Thunder." Anyone that plucked up the plunder got triggered sky high on a wave of thunder. Floating marine mines were invented by the Chinese in the 14th century, using inflated ox bladders. In this century they have cunningly invented marine "Smart" Mines too, mines smart enough to border on the brilliant.
Actually, they extend a little beyond the border. Chinese Smart Mines can tell the difference between Carriers and Love Boats. They can even spot the X in the plosion where the damage would be the most exasperating. That's pretty sophisticated for a government that pays people to cut grass with stainless steel scissors.
Smart Mines are dangerous even if they don't get loose into the open sea. Recent history tells us that more...
Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.
The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane.
Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.
Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters.
You remember your kids names, just not always the right one.
You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.
You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work.
Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.
As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo more...