Less Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.

You know you're out of college when... 1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8: 00 am is not early. 9. You have to file your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass". 14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your more...

1. Watch the sunset-- on a sled. 2. Smile more, --it might get you a free beer. 3. Complain less. --It might get you a free beer. 4. Surprise a friend with a call. -- It might get you a free beer. 5. Develop your gifts. -- You might need them. 6. Count your blessings. -- You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. -- Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer. 8. Breathe consciously once in a while. -- This cures snoring. 9. Enjoy sneezes -- and stay behind the one sneezing. 10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, -- unless you are an actor. 11. Be unique, --it demonstrates difference! 12. Sing in the shower. -- With a friend! 13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, -- or have someone laugh at you. 14. Make someone's day, -- or night. 15. Stand on your head. -- For a free beer! 16. Stare at the world above you. -- Hopefully not from under a bar. 17. Play with an animal. -- Be sure it is one which cannot eat you! 18. more...

TWO slogans written under huge billboards, lauding the achievements of the Congress government led by Narasimha Rao caught the eyes of passers-by:
Narashima Rao sarkar ka vaada
Baaten kam, kaam ziyaada. (Narasimha Rao's government's pledge
Less talk and more work.)
Under it somebody had written:
Narasimha Rao sarkar ka vaada
Baaten kam, Scam ziyaada! (Narasimha Rao's government's pledge Less talk, more scams!)

There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands. He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book. Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!

On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris... a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs. Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male. T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head. Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable. On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him.. If you more...

That you Burnt the Turkey!!

1. Salmonella won't be a concern.

2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.

3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.

5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.

6. No one will overeat.

7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.

8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.

10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.

11. The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.

12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.