Let Jokes / Recent Jokes

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note. In the room of 200,
He asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the note up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.
"Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money.
You still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the more...

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's' Cheers')
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' Can I draw you a beer, Norm? '
' No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

' How's a beer sound, Norm?'
' I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

' What's shaking, Norm?'
' All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'

' What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
' Going Down?'

' What's new, Normie?'
' Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'

' What'll it be, Normie?'
' Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

' What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
' Daddy wuvs you.'

' What'd you like, Normie?'
' A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

' What'll you have, Normie?'
' Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out more...

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!

Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree went off for the weekend...

It was After Eight. She was from Quality Street and he was a Fishermans Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar. He had a Rum and Butter and she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name. She said Polo, I'm the one with the hole. But I'm the one with the Nuts he thought.

Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Deckers.

Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn't keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, So she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard.

He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge nudging. It was a Magic Moment as she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie.

She wanted more but he more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight hile saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought:"Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry. Two minutes lateranother whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, buttwo minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stopedhim:"What's going on out there?" it asked. "Why, there's aparty going on!! It's great! They're having the most fun!!"the whiskey replied. And pizza said: "Great, I'll go check it out!"