Lettuce Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave more...

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied
that he did not need a whole head, but only half a head.
The boy said he would ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, 'There is some arsehole out there who wants to buy only a half-head of lettuce.'
As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the mall standing right behind him, so he added, 'and this gentleman wants to buy the other'.
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, 'You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?'
The boy replied, 'Canada sir.'
'Oh really? Why did you leave more...

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in andasked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.The boy walked into the back room and said, "there is some asshole out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "you almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressedwith the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here.Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota sir"."Oh really? more...

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half".
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada, more...

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.

The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some asshole out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, more...

A wife wrote a letter to her husband in prison:
"I would like to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When would be the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, aware that the prison guards read all mail, wrote a letter back:
"Dear Wife, Do NOT touch the back garden, whatever you do. That is where I have all the gold hidden."
A week later, the prisoner received another letter from his wife:
"You are not going to believe this. Some men came to the house with shovels and dug up the entire back yard."
The prisoner then wrote his wife again:
"Dear, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately. ” The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “Serve without dressing. ” So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, “Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. ” It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can’t say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, ”Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. ” Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night. Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, “Put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. ” There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got more...