Leaf Jokes

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time.' Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time.' She dashes out of her friend's house; her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time. There is enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf, just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!

'Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this more...

A male pastor entered a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people noticed him.
As the room quieted down he approached the bartender and asked, "May I use the restroom, please?"
"I really don't think that's a good idea," the bartender replied.
"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"
"Well, I really don't think you should," insisted the bartender. "There's a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf."
"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"
So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom.
After a few minutes he came back out and the place was hopping with music and dancing again. He went to the bartender and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I don't understand. When I first came in here the place was more...

After being escorted to the witness box and sworn in, the little old man was asked by the lawyer to explain what had happened.
He described the events that led up to the incident and finally got to the main issue of the case, saying, "... and that's when she hit me with a maple leaf!"
"Surely that couldn't have inflicted any serious injury on you, sir," the lawyer said.
"Are you nuts?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from our dining room table!"

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really ticked if it's not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.

When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.

She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it more...

Q: How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? A: He became a vegetarian.