Lewinsky Jokes / Recent Jokes
Did you see Monica Lewinsky had an advertisement with a white ring around
her mouth?
It said, "Not Milk"
In dieting news, Monica Lewinsky is the new spokes-model for the Jenny Craig dieting system. Pictures are being shown of a pre- and post-Jenny Craig Monica.
A second round of advertising will be showing her dress, before and after the dry-cleaning. I don't know what the ad slogan is going to be for this particular campaign, but I suspect that it will not be as tasteless as it should be.
Monica's Jenny Craig diet tip #1: Taste, but don't swallow.
Tip#2: If you can't remember the name of the President, don't worry as it is on the tip of your tongue.
Tip#3: As you go down, so will your weight.
Tip#4: There are other choices, the only thing you shouldn't blow is your diet.
And finally tip#5: Don't be a sucker for other diet plans, go to Jenny Craig.
I guess it is the lure of money that brought Monica to Jenny Craig... She is already known for keeping up with the Johnsons, so it is time to keep up with the Jones.
(c)2000 The Reverend Shayne Dark
Having joined the Whitehouse staff as an intern, Monica was all
out to impress. One fine morning Bill Clinton instucted
Monica to set the clock in the boardroom. However after searching
Boardroom for a while she realised that there was no clock in the
room. She turned around to find Mr Clinton stading behind her
with his pants around his ankles.
Miss Lewinsky: Sir, I cannot find a clock in the room
Mr Clinton: Look around
Miss Lewinsky: Sir, i still can't find a clock.
Clinton looks down at his swollen member and says
"There it is, there is the clock! !!!"refering to his member
Miss Lewinsky: But Sir,. .... That is not a clock
Mr Clinton: IT WILL BE IF YOU PUT A FACE AND TWO
HANDS ON IT! !!!! 1
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.
Q: Why more...
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)
SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the Nation
Text from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum.
10.16 P.m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998
Good evening.
This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury.
I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer.
Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media.
As you know, in a deposition more...
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)
SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the Nation
Text from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum.
10.16 P.m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998
Good evening.
This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury.
I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer.
Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media.
As you know, in a deposition more...
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum.10.16 P.m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening.This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury.I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer.Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media.As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...