Lewinsky Jokes / Recent Jokes
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face."
"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on."
"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it."
"Thank you." Monica Lewinsky
ZipperGate Update...In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering afull throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to theinvestigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerningan oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although theindependent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony, beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)
SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the Nation
Text from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum.
10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998
Good evening.
This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury.
I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer.
Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the more...
Three limericks from a Long Island contest where you had to use the words Lewinski and Kaczynski.
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
' Twas' 'Hail to the Chief''
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
Given the choice of how to be blown.
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must have surely known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice of how to be blown
Clinton was asked who was a better lover: Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones. His response: Paula was good, but no cigar.
Why are Monica Lewinsky and a change machine alike? They both say..."insert Bill here!"