Lewinsky Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why does Monica Lewinsky refuse to play golf?
She is sick and tired of getting hit in the head with Bill's balls.
Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky's new book
1. I Suck At My Job
2. What Really Goes Down In The White House
3. How I Blew It In Washington
4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President
5. Clear and Present Boner
6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
7. Going Back for Gore
8. Podium Girl
9. Secret Services to the President
10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
11. Deep Inside The Oval Office
12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
13. She's Chief of MY Staff!
14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
15. How To Beat Off the Government
16. Going Down and Moving Up
17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet
18. Me and My Big Mouth
19. How To Get Ahead in Business
Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky's new book1. I Suck At My Job2. What Really Goes Down In The White House3. How I Blew It In Washington4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President5. Clear and Present Boner6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule7. Going Back for Gore8. Podium Girl9. Secret Services to the President10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton11. Deep Inside The Oval Office12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions13. She's Chief of MY Staff! 14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes15. How To Beat Off the Government16. Going Down and Moving Up17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet18. Me and My Big Mouth19. How To Get Ahead in Business
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum. 10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening. This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer. Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media. As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out."Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish.""Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles.""Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...And her ears promptly fell off.
Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and most other American women?
A: If they want a prick in the White House, the others just vote.
Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.
Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.
Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: "Don't hit your head on the desk."
Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day?
A: All pants half off.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They both blew the big one several times.
Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
A: They both have slots which say "Insert Bill" here."