Lewinsky Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us? A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton? A: The President after Bush.Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office? A: "Don't hit your head on the desk."Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day? A: All pants half off.Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common? A: They both blew the big one several times.Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government? A: The Executive Branch.Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common? A: They both have slots which say "Insert Bill" here."

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.
Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering a
full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to the
investigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerning
an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although the
independent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony,
beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us? A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote. Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton? A: The President after Bush. Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab. Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office? A: "Don't hit your head on the desk." Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day? A: All pants half off. Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common? A: They both blew the big one several times. Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government? A: The Executive Branch. Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common? A: They both have slots which say "Insert Bill" here."

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face." "This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on." "I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it." "Thank you." Monica Lewinsky

Why isn't Monica Lewinsky talking to the press?
She's under a gag order.

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office
to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.
"What is it?" the President yells..
"It's the abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks..
"Just go ahead and pay it," responds the President.
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season.
The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something..
Suddenly, Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field..
The stunned umpire shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said,
Throw the first PITCH!'"
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken and fish..
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says..
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks..
"Oh, he'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking more...

Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.