Library Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a man walked into the main library of a major research university. He stopped at the reference desk and asked the librarian if she had any current books about economics and the economy.
She answered that she did, and led the man to the reference shelves where the economics and economy books were.
To the surprise of both the librarian and the man all of the books were off the shelf being used.
"That's OK," the man said. "I'll just go to another library. You see, I'm a very busy man, and I set this weekend aside for studying economics and the economy."
The librarian said she understood and gave the man directions to the nearest research library. But her interest piqued, she asked: "Why are you so urgent to study economics and the economy?"
The man replied: "I'm an economist. I've been teaching at this university for the past ten years. I'm attending a business meeting on Monday, and I figure the economy has changed in more...
“The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking of running for president again. We couldn’t be more excited. … Nader says he rejects the term spoiler. It’s a lot better than loser. ” –Jay Leno
“They’re getting ready to unveil President Bush’s presidential library. The committee in charge of President Bush’s presidential library said they want the building to reflect the spirit of the Bush presidency. So they said, ‘In other words, we’re just gonna build some stuff and see what happens. ’” –Conan O’Brien
“You remember Dick Cheney, he’s the vice president of the United States. He shot an old man in the face and didn’t tell anybody. Eventually, the news got out. Turned out the old man was fine. It was a hilarious story, and the old man ended up doing the right thing [on screen: atty Harry Whittington apologizing to Cheney’s family for the amount of media coverage]. At the time we all thought, ‘My God, how do you shoot an old man in the more...
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a school looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"
Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library? Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.
There was a fire in the royal library in Sweden, and the king was utterly depressed because both books were burned and he`d only gotten around to painting in one of them.
Restroom Graffiti
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. ----Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL - (not far from a major medical school)
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ----Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you can piss this high, join the fire department. ----On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.
Beauty is only a light switch away. ----Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. ----Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. ----Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not,' How high are you?' it's' Hi, how are you?' ----Rest stop off Route 81. West more...
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK." The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, "Buk Buk BuKKOOK!" The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!" The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit more...