Library Jokes / Recent Jokes
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked."Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what`s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?""Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice."No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?""Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
A blonde walked in a library and went to the librarian, pulls out a thick book and started screaming at her.
She yells, "THIS BOOK IS HORRIBLE! THERE ARE TOO MANY CHARACTERS AND NO PLOT WHATSOEVER!"
The librarian stares at her, then calmly replies, "So you're the one who took our phone book."
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, `Buk Buk BUK.` The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,` Buk Buk BuKKOOK!` The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, `Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!` The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit more...
Got this from my friend Ana E. Muss
A couple of years ago at college, I went to the library to get a signed statement that I did not have any unpaid library fines. This was required to get my exam results. The woman at the counter wrote down my name and student ID followed by, "does not have any fines at the libara." She crossed off the last word and tried again with "liberery", then crossed that out and wrote "here."
I wonder what she uses as her job title?
a blonde went to the drive in and said can i have a big mac and small fries the ladie says this is the library the blonde says in a quieter voice can i have a bgi mac small fries
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.
As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was St. Peter himself who greeteed him with a firm embrace
"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great statue in heaven. You may pass through The Gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven. You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment.
Is there anything your Holiness desires?
"Well yes" the Pope replied. " I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between The Lord and the prophets of more...
A blonde walked into a library and said to the librarian, "Can I have some fish and chips please?"
The librarian gave her a funny look and said, " I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers,"Can I have some fish and chips please?"