License Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don`t need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That`s a bunch of baloney, fish can`t do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O. K. I`ve got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, more...

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

An elderly couple were driving across the country.The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"The woman gave the officer her license.The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

A police officer pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign. “May I see your driver’s license and registration please? ” the officer asked.
“What’s the problem, officer? ”
“Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection. ”
“Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me. ”
“Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a full and complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution. ”
“You gotta be kidding me! ”
“It’s no joke, sir. ”
“Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution. ”
“That’s beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a full and complete stop, and you didn’t. Now if I may see your license and registration. ”
“You’ve got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What’s the matter, all the doughnut shops closed? ”
“Sir, I’ll overlook that last comment. Let me see more...

PC 370.00
A Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys
370.01.01 Any person with a valid California State Rodent or Snake
hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and
sport (non-commercial) purposes.
370.01.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
370.01.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is
prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If
an attorney IS accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed to the
nearest car wash.
370.01.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power
boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.01.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH," "AMBULANCE," or "FREE
SCOTCH"
for the purpose of trapping more...

Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex." My court case comes up next Thursday. One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, more...