Lick Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. Why does a dog lick his ass?
A. Because he knows he will be licking your face in about 5 minutes.
Q. Why does a dog lick his balls?
A. Because he can't make a fist.
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and more...
Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.
I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.
I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet 'round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon 'cause I wanna die Young.
-Songs of Cesium #109
Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.
(From hpwrc! hplabs! sun! plato! janos)
According to several press reports, the new drug of choice is
licking toads.
What a great lead!!
Yes, Bufo Alvirus (Sonoran desert toad to you simple folk) secretes
(a sweating toad?) bufotinine which doesn't do damn for the toad, but
makes humans feel very high indeed.
Says the Examiner story: "If you tried to lick this toad, it would
be a felonious act."
No report to date mentions what the toad turns into when you lick it.
Why not milk the toads and mix the stuff with something nice?
The head of DEA's western regional laboratory is not concerned:
"It's too nasty to screw around with," he said. "And you're going
to have to come up with a lot of toads to compete with cocaine and
marijuana."
The Berkeley police chief was suspicious because he knew of no
occurance of bufotinine use in Berkeley: "If it happened anywhere, it'd
be more...