Lieberman Jokes

This article was in the San Diego Union Tribune on December 6, 2000. It was in the editorial section under "Letters" that people contribute on different news events. Vice Presidential candidate Sen. Joseph Lieberman recently asked the question, "What will we tell our children if every vote is not counted?"
Here is the response of one citizen:
"As a former teacher, I have been concerned about Joe Lieberman's question, 'What will we tell our children?' "What we should, and must, tell our children is that if they fail to mark the right answer on an exam, or do not fill in the entire test, they will not get credit for their answers. If they do it often enough and if they do not ask for help or read the directions properly, they will fail.
"We should tell them that when they are older and move to Florida, they must fully read their ballot and remove the entire chad and not keep an entire nation waiting because of their mistakes. We must also more...

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.

10. "Vote For Me Or I'll Come To Your Home And Explain My 191-Page Economic Plan To You In Excruciating Detail"

9. "Remember, America: I Gave You The Internet, And I Can Take It Away. Think About It"

8. "Your Vote Automatically Enters You In Drawing For The 123 Billion-Dollar Budget Surplus"

7. "With Lieberman On The Ticket, You Get All Kinds Of Fun New Days off"

6. "We Know When The Microphone Is On"

5. "Vote For Me, And I Will Take Whatever Steps Necessary To Outlaw The Term,' Whazzzup!'"

4. "Gore/Lieberman -- You Don't Have To Worry About Pork Barrel Politics"

3. "You'll Thank Us In Four Years When The Escalator To The Moon Is Finished"

2. "If I Can Handle Letterman, I Can Handle Saddam Hussein"

1. "I'll Be Twice As Cool As That President Guy On' The West Wing'

"We're still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week - all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn." -Stephen Colbert
"Yesterday Condoleezza Rice went into President Bush's office and said, 'I'm off to Lebanon.' And President Bush said, 'Vacation?'." -Jay Leno
"Saddam Hussein has been on a hunger strike for seventeen days. They had to nurse him back to health with a feeding tube to get him healthy enough so he can go back on trial. And then be put to death. It is an odd thing. Two years ago, we were dropping ten thousand pound bombs on the guy. Now we're feeding him nutrients through a tube. No wonder he's confused." -Jimmy Kimmel
"This more...

The Lieberman's invited The Gore's for dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Joe announced, "This is Matzoh ball soup."
On seeing the 2 large Matzoh balls in the soup, Gore was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Lieberman's pressed Gore, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of Matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," Al said. "Can you eat any other parts of the Matzoh?"