Lighter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.."I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter."Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster.""I got it from my genie.""You have a genie?" he asked."Yes, he's right here in my pocket.""Could I see him?"He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?""Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on more...

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?" "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie?" "Yes, right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie. The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will" the genie replies. The friend asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" He more...

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man,"Where did you get such a big lighter?" The man replies,"See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish." So the guy walks over to the genie and says,"I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks. The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, "That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he." The guy replies, "no kidding"! You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!"

In lighter vein. ..
Saddam calls Bush on 11th sept:
Saddam: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people,
such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that... It was not us...
Bush: What buildings? What people??

Saddam: Oh, and what time it is in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Saddam: Oops... Will call back in an hour! Bye bye.

* * * * * *

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to
console him:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very
big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from
the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."


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A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.
He asks the man, ”Where did you get such a big lighter? ”
The man replies, ”See that man playing piano over there?
He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish. ”
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, ”I wish for a million bucks. ” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he. ”
The guy replies, “no kidding”!
You think I asked for a 14 inch bic! ”

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.
He asks the man,"Where did you get such a big lighter?"
The man replies,"See that man playing piano over there?
He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish."

So the guy walks over to the genie and says,"I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, "That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he."

The guy replies, "no kidding"!
You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!"

Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're looking for, a bird named Chet".
Impressed with the look of the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all. .." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's. ..".
Astonishment was the only way to describe the husband's more...