Lighting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Its not a bulb, its a globe.

An officer noticed a blonde woman who was down on her knees under a streetlight. Approaching her, he asked, "May I help you?"
"I dropped my diamond engagement ring and I'm looking for it, Officer," she replied.
"Did you drop it right here?" he asked.
"Well, no," she answered, "I dropped it a block or so away, but the lighting is much better here."

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip encountered a terrible storm. The plane got pounded by rain, hail, wind, and lighting. The passengers were screaming, certain that the plane was going to crash and that they were all going to die.
At the height of the storm, a young woman jumped up and exclaimed, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here who's man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
She saw a hand go up in the back of the plane, and an incredibly handsome, tall, muscular man with dark, flowing hair smiled and started to walk up to her seat.
As he approached her, he slowly took off his shirt. She could see his impressive musculature even in the faltering lighting of the plane. He stood in front of her, shirt in hand, and said, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?"
She eagerly more...

Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have.
Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes.
Last Christmas we were letting our sons play with toy guns; this Christmas we are teaching them that guns are not toys.
Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings.
Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it.
Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; this more...