Association Jokes

You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only
one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist
You refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist
You refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this
before.
Procrastinator
You play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat
You order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in
multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer
You charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor
You tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order
to make your next appointment.
Sales executive
You sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their
friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service
You confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold
fillings.
Advertiser
You more...

The NFL Players' Association is somehow challenging the four-game suspension the Giants handed to Plaxico Burress. The Players' Association is expected to win, mainly because they're armed.

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it more...

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes. Number nine says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten says it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player 11 thinks the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. The deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make up a sign: 'Bulb defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA) as a pressure group to argue for more...

On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher decided to do taste association with her class. "I'll blindfold you, give you a lifesaver and then you tell me what flavor it is," she instructed the students.
She gave them all a grape lifesaver and asked them what flavor it was. "Mmmmm, it's grape," the class answered.
"Very good," the teacher replied. She then gave them all a cherry lifesaver and they replied, "Mmmmm, it's cherry."
"Excellent," said the teacher. Next she gave them all a honey flavor lifesaver. The class seemed stumped by the strange taste, so the teacher said, "Ok, I'll give you a little hint. It's something your parents might call each other."
Billy immediately spit his out onto the floor and yelled, "Quick, everyone spit them out, they're ASSHOLES!"