"Adopt an NBA Player" joke

Dear Contributor:
The "NBA Player Adoption Program" desperately needs your charitable assistance. With an NBA player's strike against the team owners, now is the time for us to show the world just how much we really care. What those men are forced to endure -- it's just not right!
Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the NBA seven-figure salary poverty line. And as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks-possibly a whole year!
But now you can help!
For only about $2,000.00 a day -- that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV -- you can help keep an impoverished basketball player economically viable during his time of need.
$2,000.00 a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an NBA basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in bug-infested Florida or a life-renewing Mediterranean cruise.
For you, $2,000.00 is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments. But to a locked-out basketball player, $2,000.00 a day will almost replace his salary.
Your commitment of only $2,000.00 a day will enable a player to buy that HDTV home entertainment center, trade in the ratty year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a well deserved weekend in Rio.
"How will I really know that I am helping?"
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401-k, real estate and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement.
"How will he know that I am helping?"
Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't care to know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.
Simply fill out the form below.
=================================
YES, I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. My preference is checked below:
[ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star* [ ] Superstar** [ ] Entire team*** [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need.
* Higher cost ** Much higher cost *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team. (Does not include cheerleaders) =================================
Please charge the account listed below $2,000.00 (plus all applicable taxes he may have to pay) per day for reserve or starter player for the duration of the strike.
Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel.
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover Card [ ] Diner's Club
Your Name: __________________________ Telephone Number: __________________________ Account Number: ______________ Exp. Date: ______ Signature: __________________________

Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-888-TOO-MUCH now to enroll by phone. (Children under 18 don't need parent's approval)
Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to, telephone calls, letters, fax, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time to be bothered talking to you, thanks to your generous donations.
Legal: This contract will be enforced to the full extent of the law and is binding upon your heirs for the duration of the player's life. IRS has ruled that these contributions are not tax deductible.