Limbs Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the body was first made all the parts of the body were fighting to see who would become the boss of the body. The fight for power was most intense between the limbs, the brain, and... the asshole.
The limbs said they should be boss because they control the human, and without them the body was useless and couldnt move or do anything.
The brain said it should be boss becauses it has to control the whole body and without the brain nothing in the body would function, neither the limbs or the asshole.
The asshole said simply, "I'm the boss."
The brain and limbs laughed at him. The asshole was so mad he closed up and the body became constipated. The brain couldnt think straight and became fuzzy, the limbs became cold, sweaty and clammy, the body was going to hell. So the brain and limbs decided the asshole was the boss.
Morale of the story is that it doesnt matter how good you are or what you do for others, only the asshole will become the person in charge.

This is just one of many farming jokes that you'll find on Aha! Jokes!


How are you doing? A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help.

Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.

Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction.

The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately more...

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help.
Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.
Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction.
The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm more...

Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the
arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You
are in luck! I am an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours."
Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I
expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John
throwing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam
put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The
surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours."
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down
at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking
goals.
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put
the head in a plastic bag and took it more...

Q: Why did the Saddam trade one of his thirteen wives for
a new toilet?
A: The hole was smaller and smelled better.
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and a Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: What do you call two Iraqi women walking into a bar?
A: Incoming scuds!
Two Iraqis are chatting. One of them has his wallet out
and is flipping through pictures.
"This is my oldest. He's a martyr."
"Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
There's a pause. The second Iraqi says, wistfully, "Ah,
they blow up so fast, don't they?"
Top Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein
...Shares pain of economic embargo because he can only obtain
gold-plated replacement fixtures for solid gold bathtubs.
...Top scientists have finally unlocked technological secrets
of 8-track tapes and Pez dispensers, but have yet to procure
free HBO.
...Extensive private collection of Barbie dolls more...