Limo Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie.... Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat more...
This guy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie. The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?" To which the fellow responds, "If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope''s authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: "Who is in the limo'', the mayor?" The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?" The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."
The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?" The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: more...
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, more...
One day the Pope is coming to America in his
Limo and he said to the driver, 'Why don't you
let me drive for once.'
The driver thinks to him self, 'Well I can't say
no to this guy, he's the pope.' So the driver
pulls over and they change places. The Pope was
having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging
cars. After a while the driver taps on the window
and tells the Pope, 'slow down a bit, you might
get pulled over.'
The Pope says, 'ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm
the Pope.' So he rolls up the window and
continues to drive very fast. After a few moments
he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and
the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop
sees the Pope and says, 'oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can
you hold on a minute.'
The Pope says, 'sure'
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to
the station. He says, 'guys I just pulled over
some one really important.'
They ask who, 'The more...
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please.""Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"