Line Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you are asked to join a parade, don`t march behind the elephants.

If you are coasting, you`re going downhill.

If you are feeling good, don`t worry. You`ll get over it.

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.

If you are worried about being crazy, don`t be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman

If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.

You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes. You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are. You return the coffee because it's too hot. You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon). You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one. You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years. If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20 You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you. You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party. You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong. While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?" You dare ask for a more...

Estimating parameters is easier than dealing with real life.

Statisticians are significant.

I always wanted to learn the entire Greek alphabet.

The probability a statistician major will get a job is >. 9999.

If I flunk out I can always transfer to Engineering.

We do it with confidence, frequency, and variability.

You never have to be right - only close.

We're normal and everyone else is skewed.

The regression line looks better than the unemployment line.

No one knows what we do so we are always right.

This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front's back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" The bloke behind tells him, "Well, I'm a chiropractor and I can't help myself. I can't help practicing my art." "Are you crazy?" says the bloke in front, "I'm a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?"

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line
for the men that were dominated by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and
there are two lines.
The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my
image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my
sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how
did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

See if you can do this: Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.

This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front's back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
The bloke behind tells him, "Well, I'm a chiropractor and I can't help myself. I can't help practicing my art."
"Are you crazy?"
says the bloke in front, "I'm a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?"