Liquor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny was in science class. the professor was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor. he had one glass of water and one glass of wine. so the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. he sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead. so the professor asks" what was this suppose to teach you children" no one raises their hand to answer but the little Johnny raises his hand and says "drink liquor and you wont get worms"

This is 'apparently' a true story.
A guy with a shotgun walked in to a small corner store and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier had placed all the money in a bag, the robber noticed a bottle of liquor he wanted on a shelf behind the counter. He demanded that the cashier put the bottle in the bag too, but the cashier refused and said, "I can't do that because I don't believe you're of legal drinking age."
The robber insisted that he was, but still the clerk didn't believe him and refused to give him the bottle. The robber then took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
After looking over the license, the clerk agreed that the robber was of legal drinking age and put the bottle of liquor in the bag. The robber then fled the store with his loot.
The clerk quickly called the police, giving them the name and address of the robber which he had gotten from the driver's license.
A couple of hours later the more...

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

A classic schoolyard joke where you say rubber buns and liquor after everything I say,

what did u have for breakfast?
rubber buns and liquor

what did u have for lunch?
rubber buns and liquor

what did u have for dinner?
rubber buns and liquor

what are you going to do tonight?
rubber buns and liquor (rub her buns and lick her)

Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday. It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3. 2% alcohol. No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed) It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. Colorado Springs It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays. Crippe Creek It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building. Denver The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park. It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado. You may not drive a black car on Sundays. Durango It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on more...

Did you hear the Surgeon General's latest product advisory? Liquor bottles will carry the phrase, "Warning: alcohol can make members of the opposite sex appear for more attractive than they actually are."

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2. 1-21-13(b) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. Liquor stores may not sell milk. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor. You can get out of paying for a dependent`s medical care by praying for him/her. One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session. Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes. Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are more...