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13 Reasons Why it is so cool to be a man
1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
3) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
4) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
5) Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
6) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
7) Same work, more pay.
8) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
9) Wedding dress: $2, 000. Tuxedo rental: $75.
10) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
11) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
12) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
13) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer more...

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

Things not to Say to the Cop Who Pulls You Over
10. Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.
9. You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
8. Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy?
7. I am not the droid you're looking for. You don't need to see my papers.
6. Darn! My radar detector must be broken again.
5. You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes.
4. You're not going to search my trunk are you?
3. How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration?
2. Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven.
1. Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?

A rabbi on a TV program mentioned that he had compiled a list of
four hundred sins. He received millions of requests for his list,
mostly from people who wanted to find out what they were missing.
-Sam Levenson

What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!

Top Ten Rejected Valentine's Day Cards
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you'd be my ho.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled.. . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown.. . but so has your ass.
3. You're a honey.. . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a more...