Litre Jokes

There is a competition going on to see, who can milk a cow, the best. The competitors are given a bucket each and sent to separate rooms, where they could milk their respective cows. One who has the largest volume of milk in the bucket is obviously, the winner.A surd is among the competitors, and is the favorite for the win.
After the stipulated time, each participant returns with his bucket, some have milked 2 litres, some have 3, some 4 and so on. Finally, our Surd returns, fuming and exhausted, and guess what, his bucket contains just

1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.
2 star hangover **
Slight headache. Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover ***
Definite headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are more...

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastro-enteritis specialist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,' HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17, 000 FEET LONG TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'*
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called' MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of our enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my more...