Litter Jokes / Recent Jokes
(This allegedly really happened in Canada. I heard it from a
friend. After posting it in rec.backcountry I got some requests to
post it here.)
Some guy on drugs jumped over a cliff but did not quite succeed in
killing himself. The rescue team tied his unconscious body into a
Stokes litter and proceeded to evacuate by means of a "fixed line
flyaway." This means that the litter is suspended a couple of
hundred feet below a helicopter which then flies to a level place
where they can set him down (carefully) and either load him in the
aircraft or otherwise take further care of him. The patient is
accompanied by one attendant tied into the litter.
This patient began to regain consciousness during the flight.
Remember he is flying across the sky and being marginally conscious
(as well as probably still feeling the effects of whatever drug he
took) probably doesn't notice either the helicopter or the more...
A three year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. When they returned home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
On the first day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the second day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the third day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the more...
Q: What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog? A: Chump chops! Q: How many seasons are there in a dogs life? A: Just one, the moulting season! Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come! Q: Why is it called a "litter" of puppies? A: Because they mess up the whole house! Q: How do you stop a dog smelling? A: Put a peg on it's nose! Q: What is the best time to take a Rottweiler for a walk? A: Any times he wants to! Q: When is a black dog not a black dog? A: When it's a greyhound! Q: How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon? A: Melon-collie! Q: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones? A: Hush puppies! Q: What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow? A: Slush puppies!