Little Jokes / Recent Jokes
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company more...
Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That`s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
A Collegian was deeply in love with a foreign girl,
whom he wanted to marry, but he did not have the
courage to talk to her in person. so he decided to
go home and with the aid of a dictionary, wrote a
letter of proposal to her.
this is what he wrote. .....
my darling
most worthy of your estimation, after a long
consideration and much meditation, i have a strong
inclination to become your relation.
as to my educational qualification, it is no
exaggeration or fabrication, that i have passed my
matriculation, no doubt without any hesitation and
very little concentrated preparation. what you say
to the solemnization of our marriage celebration
according to the population of the present generation.
on your approbation of this application,
i shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
and commiseration, it will be an augmentation of more...
What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...
President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th grade classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the president asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No" says Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not" explains the President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. more...
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good. He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, Little Johnny, who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them."
The lineman tried to ignore Little Johnny and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.
So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough Little Johnny was still standing there. He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if more...
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a NY METS fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Met fans too.
Not really knowing what a METS fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a METS fan,"
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankee fans, and I'm a Yankee fan too,"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A more...