Liver Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stopsthem. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony. He tells them, "Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use thewords liver and cheese in a sentence." So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich forlunch." The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asksthe second guy. He says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.
9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile.
8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"
4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just more...

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and more...

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."

2 guys talking...
Man 1: My doctor's a quack! My wife got treated for liver problems for
20 years, and then she dies from a heart attack!
Man 2: My doctor's much better than that. If he treats you for liver
problems, you can bet your last 50 cents you're going to die
of liver problems.

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."

Medical experts from London have published a paper that concludes that Seder participants should not eat both chopped liver and choroses. Their research shows that if they do, it can lead to Charoses of the Liver.