Lobby Jokes

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. more...

(The World-Famous Margaliot Joke Hotline Selection follows:)
A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after
a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills
out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting
in the lobby.
He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a
minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.
"Fancy meeting my 'wife' here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a
double room for the night."
Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over
$3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only
been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."

International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream.10. On the menu of a Swiss more...

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Spokane Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, asked, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived." "Oh that's' Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as' Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life." The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his more...

A tourist pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a attractive blonde sitting in the lobby.

He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk.

"Guess I'll need a double room for the night.

"Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $5000.

"Whats the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I have only been here one night!"

"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."