Loss Jokes / Recent Jokes
President George W. Bush is trying to teach the students in an elementary class what a tragedy is. He asks if anyone knows.
One boy stands up and says, "If I got hit by a car, that would be a tragedy." "No, son," Bush says, "that would be an accident."
Another youngster stands up and says, "If we were all on a field trip and the bus went over a cliff, that would be a tragedy." "No, son," Bush says again, "that would be a great loss."
The children remain silent for a few minutes and then a third child stands up and says, "If you and Mrs. Bush were on Air Force one and it suddenly blew up and you both died, that would be a tragedy." The President thinks for a moment and then asks, "Why would you think that is a tragedy?"
"Well," replies the youngster, "it definitely wouldn't be an ACCIDENT and it sure as hell wouldn't be a GREAT LOSS!"
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy." "Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!" The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?" A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!" The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?" A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!" "Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for more...
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"
The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"
A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"
The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"
A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"
"Very good," he said. "And what was more...
Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence) 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back. ...we. .we. ...uhhhhhh. ...forgot something..... 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.8. Fasten your seat more...
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.
Then came the second half…
First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.
The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.
“Who made that tackle? ” asked the ant.
“I did, ” said the centipede.
Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.
Back in the huddle the flea asked, “Who made that great stop? ” “I did, ” said the centipede.
Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss.
Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, “Where were you in the first half? ”
The centipede replied, more...
College Classes For Men: 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference! 6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the more...
Time for answering the questions is twenty minutes. Answer all the questions, and answer them honestly. Please remember you're trying to become a cop, for Christ's sake!!
1. At the time of traffic accidents, I can shut out the outside world and focus completely on milking the situation for profit - ignoring all damage to public property and loss of life or limb.
yes no.
2. I have no problem with roasting in the hot summer sun for hours, in clothes that are two sizes too small.
yes no.
3. My waist size is (in inches)
46 78 223
4. I can effortlessly switch between' aggressively rude',' condescending' and' sickeningly, groveling polite', depending on the social standing of the person I am talking to at the moment.
yes no.
5. If you come across a multiple traffic violation that includes drunken driving, driving without a license and loss to property, how would you evaluate the more...