Lost Jokes / Recent Jokes
Unusual Case by William A. Morton, Jr, MDFrom "Medical Aspects Of Human Sexuality" July, 1991 p. 15Scrotum Self-RepairOne morning, I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red skin and black-and-blue scrotal skin. After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum. Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the more...
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.""No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"
One day, I met an old friend, Sam, walking down the street with his front door under his arm. I asked, "Sam, where in the world are you going with your front door?"
Sam replied, "I lost the key."
I told him, "You better not lose the door, or you won't be able to get in!"
"Yes I will," Sam answered, "I left the window open."
Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt
to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers,
etc. And none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small
ad which read: Lose weight $1.00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone
number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
'How much weight do you want to lose?' to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, put your check in the mail and we'll have a
representative over to your house in the morning.'
About 9:00 the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a
beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck
stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me.' Well the overweight fellow chased
her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house.
Finally he did catch her more...
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.
"Oh, Morris," said grandma, "you've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?"
Leaning close to grandma so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost; I was just too tired to walk home."
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "Im looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.