Lottery Jokes / Recent Jokes
Buy your lottery tickets the day after the drawing for half price. You have just as much chance of winning.
This lady got home and bursts in yelling, 'Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!' The husband says 'Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?' She then replies, 'I don't care...Just get the hell out!'
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife … …dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up, ” she purred, “and you can do anything you want. ” So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery! ”
The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? ”
“Doesn’t matter, ” she said. “Just get the hell out. ”
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful, ” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get more...
A wife comes in and yells, "Honey! Pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!"
Her husband yells back, "But should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
The wife replies, "I don't care! Just get the hell out!"
My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers.
He quit playing the lottery.
He said "Screw it, I've got twelve kids. Any one of them could snap."
A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to adinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. "First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, thenI want to thank my children, and the lottery commission." "Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler". Suddenly everyone wassilent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said,"For the winning numbers".
Have you seen the lottery tickets from India?
If the spot on your ticket matches the spot on your forehead, you win a 7-11 store.