Lottery Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury.
They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back
to their estate.
The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch.
The couple then left the house to do some shopping. When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four. The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said
they were bringing the Bagels and the Knishes."
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
A blonde went to buy a lottery ticket, and sure enough, she won! She goes to lottery headquarters to claim it and the man verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, "Great! I want my $20 million now please." The man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, finally screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
A man rushes home and kicks in the front door, yelling " Pack your bags honey, ive just won the lottery!" "Oh thats wonderful!" shouts the wife. Should i pack for the beach, or pack for the mountains? " I dont care" replies the man! "Just get the fuck out"
A woman drives up her drive way, screetches her tires, and runs in the house. She says "Honey! Pack your bags. I just won the lottery!".
His replies, "Wow! Really? Where are we going?" as he starts throwing in sweaters and swiming truncks into his suitecase.
The woman replies, "You can go anywhere as long as you get the hell out!"
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack
up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
house by noon!"