Lottery Jokes / Recent Jokes
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
a broke blonde is finding it hard to feed her children so she prays to god to let her win the lottery the next day nothing happens she prays again and then a white light appears and the voice of god says buy a lottery ticket
The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...
A
broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she
prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose
everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God,
why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this
once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
A New York deli worker hit the $1 million lottery... again. After she won the first million she kept her deli job and said she intends to keep working.
Her name was released as Valerie Wilson, but to New Yorkers she's known by the more affectionate name of, "Lucky Fucking Bitch."
On a side note, deli worker applications have tripled.
This guy runs home and bursts in yelling "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!!"
She says "Oh wonderful, should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies "I don't care...Just get the heck out!!"