Lottery Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa had a childhood dream of getting rich. So he starts to search for such possibilities. He soon finds a fool proof plan....
The next day at the gurudwara he spends 15 days praying " wahe guru lottery lagwa do" this he does religiously every day.
Weeks pass by..... santa singh still doesn't win a lottery. .... So he decides that this would be his last request from wahe guru.... he again prays to lord...." wahe guru lottery lagwa de ". ... this time the lord replies in a really pissed of tone...." abey khotya... pehle lottery ka ticket to khareed"
A woman rushes home and bursts in yelling, "Honey, pack your bags. I've just won the lottery!"
"That's wonderful. Where should I pack for, the mountains or the beach?" he asks.
"Who cares... just get the hell out!" she replies.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
A redneck purchases a ticket and wins the lottery, so he heads to Austin to claim his prize. The man there verifies his ticket number and confirms he has, indeed, won the lottery.
"I want my $20 million," says the redneck.
"I'm sorry, sir," the man replies, "it just doesn't work that way. We give you one million today and then you will receive the rest spread out over the next nineteen years."
"Oh, no. I want all my money now!" demands the redneck. "I won it and I want it!"
The man again explains that he would only receive one million that day and the rest over a nineteen year period.
Furious, the redneck screams, "Look, I want my money. If you're not going to give me my $20 million immediately, then I want my dollar back!"
A New York woman has been convicted of embezzling $2.3 million to feed her $6,000 a day lottery addiction.
As punishment she'll be forced to stand in line for three years behind the obese and elderly as they slowly unfold crinkled dollar bills and pick lotto numbers.
A man found himself in terrible financial difficulties. He is so desperate that for the first time in his life he gets down on his knees and prays to God for help.' Dear God, I desperately need your help. I have no money to spend on Christmas presents for my family. Could you possibly arrange it so that I win the Lottery?' The lottery draw is held, but he wins nothing. He sends another prayer to God.' My business has gone bust and if I don't get some money soon I'll lose my car and my Christmas will be will be very difficult. Please fix things so I win the lottery.' Lottery night comes, but he's unlucky. So he prays to God again.' Please God, I've lost my car and now they're trying to take my house. Please help me to win the Lottery or our Christmas will be ruined.' Come lottery night, he again fails to win anything.' Undeterred, be prays to God again.' I am now a bankrupt, my house has been repossessed by the finance company and so has my car. We are now living on the street, but all more...
I saw an interview on TV where this one old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all that money. He kinda scratched his head and said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."