Loudly Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms, randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.3. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers "I'll only invite you in if you bring pillows from the bedding department!".5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?".6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.7. While handling knives in the housewares department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.8. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.9. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "Pick me! Pick me!"10. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices more...

Once generals of U. S, France and India were going in a ship. They started debating that whose soldiers are more brave.
The U. S. general called his soildier and ordered him to take two rounds of the moving ship, they did as he was told and returned.
The proud general screamed "see the guts of my soldiers". then, the french called his soldier and ordered them to take four rounds of the moving ship, they also obeyed his command and returned.
The general screamed more loudly "See the guts of my soldier'then the Indian called his soldier and asked him to take ten rounds of the ship.
He screamed loudly "Am I a slave of your father"
At that moment the indian soldiers shouted "SEE THE GUTS OF MY SOLDIERS".

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a
new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and
says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every
time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!'
really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that,
you'll be fine.''
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the
command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.
The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the
horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey,
somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's
ear. The same thing happens-the horse crashes straight through
the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll
have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure
enough, the horse sails over the jump with no more...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens-the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest more...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.'' The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens-the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to more...