Loudly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.
This didn't have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that more...

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the more...

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.
An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it babe? You and me ?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."
She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"

Once, A Scientist Made A Device Which Could Tell If A Person Was Telling Lies Or Not. He Asked Three Persons To Test It. The 1st One Was An Englishman, The 2nd Was An Australian And The 3rd Was A Sardar.
The Englishman Said "I Think I Can Eat 20 Burgers In 1 Minute. The Machine Rang Loudly(It Meant That He Was Telling A Lie)."
Then The Australian Said," I Can Drink 10 Beers In 5 Minutes." The Machine Rang Loudly.
Finally It Was The Sardar's Turn. He Said,"I Think". As Soon As The Sardar Said -I Think-, The Machine Rang Loudly.

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, ”All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP! ’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine. ”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers ‘Aleeee ooop’ in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ”It’s no good, I’ll have to do it, ” and yells, ”ALLLEEE OOOP! ” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This more...

1. Juggle the fruit.
2. Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors, stopping them from closing all the way.
3. Purchase a live lobster and turn it loose in the store.
4. Shake all the sodas.
5. Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
6. Dump the tray of food samples into your purse.
7. Talk to the fresh fish.
8. Pop the champagne bottles.
9. Hold a bowling tournament in the aisles, using canteloupes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowling pins.
10. "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away quickly.
11. Fill a shopping cart with items such as kleenex, diapers and toilet paper and leave it in the cereal aisle.
12. Talk to your Aunt Mildred, using a banana as a telephone.
13. Throw a party.
14. Fall alseep in a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle.
15. "Drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles while making race car noises.
16. Try to auction off a grapefruit.
17. more...