Louisville Jokes

* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

Two guys were taking chemistry at the University of Louisville. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, and labs, and had a solid "A" going into the final. They were so confident that the weekend before finals (the chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Kentucky and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, they overslept on Sunday and didn't make it back to Louisville until early Monday morning. Rather than take the final then, they found their professor after the final and explained to him why they missed it.

They told him that they went up to the University of Kentucky for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back. They didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time and that's why they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final the following more...

Copied from Ann Landers' Column:
Dear Ann Landers: My next-door neighbor is my dearest friend. Yesterday, over coffee at my kitchen table, she seemed quite upset with her husband, "Jerry". It is a well-known fact that he has been running around on her for years, so I asked her if she had ever considered a divorce. She said, "Divorce - never. But murder? Yes."
She continued, "Last night, I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night - a common occurrence. I didn't want to turn on the light for fear of waking Jerry, so I groped my way, as I have done many times before. When I reached my destination, I poised myself to be seated and fell right into the bowl. It seems my darling husband, for the millionth time, had left the seat up."
I listened patiently, trying my darnedest not to laugh. I could tell she didn't see anything funny about it. Finally, she said, "I wonder what Ann Landers would say." I told her I would write and ask. more...

U.S. District Judge John G. Heyburn II ruled three men sexually abused by Church members can pursue their claim that top church officials should have warned the public or local authorities of known or suspected sexual abuse of children by priests in the Archdiocese of Louisville.
This overturns an earlier ruling that people in Louisville should expect that type of behavior from their uncles, Church members or not.

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5, 005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1, 001 years.