Lover Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and woman the morning after their honeymoon night were discussing the previous evenings' events. The woman says, "You are a terrible lover!"
The man replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?!"

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says,' It sure is dark in here, isn't it?

'Yes it is,' the man replies.

'You wanna buy a baseball?' the little boy asks.

'No thanks,' the man replies.

'I think you do want to buy a baseball,' the little boy says firmly.

The man considers the position he is in for a moment.' Uh, I see. You're right, I do want to buy the ball. How much?'

Twenty-five dollars,' the little extortionist replies.

'TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!' the man repeats incredulously, but then shakes his head and complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places him in the closet with her more...

Last name: _________________First name:(Check appropriate box)[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue Age: ______ (if unsure, guess) Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right Occupation:[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician Spouse's Name_________________________2nd Spouse's Name: _________________3rd Spouse's Name: _________________ Lover's Name: ________________________2nd Lover's Name: ___________________ Relationship to spouse:[_] Sister [_] Aunt[_] Brother [_] Uncle[_] Mother [_] Son[_] Father [_] Daughter[_] Cousin [_] Pet Number of children living in household: _____Number of children living in shed: _____Number that are yours: _____ Mother's Name: ___________________Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) more...

A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, whenall of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close." Oh, no, it's my husband!"The man says, "Where's your back door?" "We don't have a back door" says the woman. The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"

Online computer users may engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through internet phone lines get pretty raunchy However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does.................

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from WalMart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK... sure.

Sweetheart: We're more...

A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, whenall of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close."Oh, no, it's my husband!"The man says, "Where's your back door?""We don't have a back door" says the woman.The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"

Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"

PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:


The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:

1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...