Lover Jokes / Recent Jokes

Definition of bad lover: An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.

Dearest girl:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in
love with you since Tuesday the 17th of August 1999
with reference to the meeting held between us on the
17th of august 1999 at 15. 00 hours.
I would like to present myself as a prospective
lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a
period of 3 months and depending on the compatibility
would be permanent. Of course upon completion of
probation, there will be continuous on the
relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion
from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us. Later
based on your performance, I might take up the larger
share of the expenses. However I am broad minded
enough to be taken care of on your expenses account. I
request you to kindly respond within 30 days of
receiving the letter-failing which, this offer would
be cancelled more...

A man was boasting to his friend, "You know, I am a well known collector of antiques."
His friend replied," Yes I know, I have seen your wife."
Dad: "Son, what do you want for your birthday?"
Son: "Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it."
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure!", replied her lover. "What's your phone number?"
Young Man: "Would you like to dance with me?"
Young Woman: "Do you expect me to dance with a baby!"
Young Man: "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant."
A doctor sent a bill to his patient. Underneath the bill he wrote: "This bill is now one year old."
Back came the reply: "Happy Birthday!"

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it."

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$25.00."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball mitt."

The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: more...

Two lovers of poetry used to meet occasionally for a stroll in the Countryside and discuss the attributes of their favourite Bards. On one such occasion, the lover of Shakespeare and the lover of Wordsworth met and whilst strolling along, were confronted by an elderly man with a very straight back and very bandy legs. Immediately the lover of Shakespeare said to his colleague.
"How would your Wordsworth have described this chap". Without any hesitation, he replied, "Wordsworth would have said,
Lo! Here comes a venerable gent, his back is straight, though his legs are bent". Then he immediately enquired of his friend,
"What would your mate Shakespeare have said?" The reply was, "What manner of man is this, who approaches us with his Balls in Parenthesis".

There were two gay men, and one of them died from AIDS. His last wish was to be creamated and have his ashes spread in the park where he and his lover met. So after he was creamated, his lover took the urn of ashes to the park, but he couldn't spread them. He couldn't bear to part with the ashes of his lover. Then he noticed a bum sleeping on the park bench, so he explained the situation to him and asked him if he would spread the ashes.
The bum said, "For a fifth of whiskey, not only will I spread his ashes, but I'll throw in a little sermon as well." So the gay man agreed and bought the whiskey. The bum took the ashes, spread them in the wind and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if he'd stuck to pussy, he'd still be with us."

Redneck Driver's License Application...
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name: ________________
First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's more...