Lucky Jokes / Recent Jokes

In New York City last week a taxi clipped a red Beetle while veering across four lanes of traffic to pick-up a fare. The two drivers got out to examine the damage the cabbie a short man of Middle Eastern origin,
the Beetle driver a hulking giant.
As the cabbie approached, the Beetle driver grabbed him by the shirt and hoisted him off the ground. There, at eye level with the cabbie's feet dangling in the air, the Beetle owner began screaming, every third
sentence being, "This is your lucky day!"
Eventually, the cabbie was lowered back to terra firma, but, then, the Beetle guy asked, "Don't you want to know why this is your lucky day?"
He then proceeded to answer his own question:
"Because I'm on my way to anger management class and I don't dare show-up with blood on my shirt!"

A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron."
The golfer, deep in concentration, pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
"Now take me to Vegas," said the frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
"You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a lucky fog and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line."
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100, 000. Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, "Kiss me."
When he did, the frog turned into the most beautiful girl you've ever seen - deep blue eyes, blond hair, a beautiful smile, and 16 years more...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early and tried to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand more...

The young man addressed his prospective father-in-law: "Sir, I would like to marry your daughter."
"I'm afraid, son," the older man replied, "that you couldn't support her in the manner to which she is accustomed."
"Your daughter and I have talked it over, and she has consented to live on what I earn."
"That's fine. But remember that after a while a little one may come along, and that will mean added expense."
"Well, that's true, sir," the youth agreed, "but we've been lucky so far."

Just after the Indonesian maid had been fired, she took five Ringgit from her purse and threw it to Lucky, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

There
was a guy whose lucky number was five. He was born on
May 5, 1955. He graduated 5th in his class, got a job
with the 5th company he applied to and soon became the
5th highest executive, married the 5th girl he dated,
had 5 children, and always shot a five under at golf.
One day he was at the horse track, and saw that at 5PM
in the fifth race in lane number 5 was a five year old
stallion named "Numero Cinco". Seeing this
as a sign, he goes to the fifth betting window and bets
$55,555 on the horse. He goes to the fifth row in the
stands to watch the race.
The horse came in fifth

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attractand bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even consideringtrying to establish a relationship instead of just a one nightstand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't alreadyin one."I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said."Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to mea lot. I think they call this' deja screw'.