Luke Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman has pleaded no contest to stalking Lakers forward Luke Walton. The California resident has been sentenced to three years' probation, told to attend counseling, and encouraged to set her sights a little bit higher.

One day Luke gets fed up with life as a farmer so he goes to see Old Ben the local magician.

Luke: Ben I'm really fed up being a farmer can you turn me into something else?

Ben: Like what?

Luke: Well I guess it would be cool to be a Dewback.

Ben: Ok but only if you're sure.

Luke: I'm sure all right but let me go off and have one last drink as a human.

Luke goes off to have his drink.

Owen and Beru are getting worried so they go and see Old Ben to see if he knows where Luke is.

Owen: Hey Ben have you seen Luke today?

Ben: Yes. he's gone for a drink but he won't be Dewback until later.

In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:

"Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:

"How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader.... "Because I've felt your presents...."

A Los Angeles woman was arrested for harassing the Lakers' Luke Walton, proving that even stalkers have a third string. The woman should get off with no penalty, since it'd be pretty easy to plead insanity.

One day there was a whale by the name of Kyle swimming all by it's self, then another whale named Luke asked where his pod was, and Kyle said "
all the fishermen killed them, they're in that boat over there."
so the Luke said, "
why dont't we go blow them out of the water?"
so Kyle said, "
yeah, sure why not?"
They went over to the boat and blew it out of the water, Then Luke said "
well arent you going to eat them?"
And then Kyle said "
No, I dont eat seamen"

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.

Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for your birthday, Luke," he said

Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for my birthday!?"

Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "I felt your presents."

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...