Luke Jokes / Recent Jokes
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach,
"How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."
Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words: We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down. The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts. I find your lack of pants disturbing. Many bobans died to bring us these pants. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time! General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home. TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants? Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants. You are unwise to lower your pants. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board. You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark. Luke... Help me remove these pants. Great, Chewie, more...
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character: Darth Vader Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace-loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Star Wars Character: Lando Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Star Wars Character: The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Star Wars Character: Chewbacca more...
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself. 14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely. 13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber. 12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke." 11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut. 10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve. 9 C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass. 8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees. 7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee. 6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe... hehe... she said,' Lay ya.'"5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name. 4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special more...
In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke, "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously, "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader said, "Because I've felt your presents."
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach,
"How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."
The Real Skywalker Lineage(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down....)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader: Yes, C-3PO. I built him - when I was only seven years old.
Luke: No!
Darth Vade: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber, no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the more...