Lunch Jokes / Recent Jokes
>> > > When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady
>> > > about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near
>> > > J. C. Penney and she was sobbing her eyes out.
>> > > I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
>> > > She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
>> > > He makes love to me every morning and then gets up
>> > > and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and>> > > freshly
>> > > ground, brewed>> > > coffee."
>> > > I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
>> > > She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and
>> > > my favorite brownies>> > > and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
>> > > I said: "Well so why are you crying?"
>> > > She said: "For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal
>> > > with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes>> > > love
>> > > to me until 2: 00am.">> > > I said: "Well, why in the world would you more...
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...
It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole, and took his ten dollars." "Damn!" the father said. "He bet me more...
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of your employment contract. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacations at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 and Dec. 25. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is unavoidable, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through more...
Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.
Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the more...
Two lawyers and their boss go out for lunch and run into a genie.
“If you all give me five dollars each, I’ll grant you one wish. ” The genie sighed.
All three lawyers debated and gave the genie fifteen dollars total. The first one goes, “I would like to go to Paradise and never come back. ” He was gone.
“Wow, that was some serious shit, ” said the other two.
The second lawyer goes and wishes for a beautiful wife and unlimited money in Paradise.
The boss looks at his watch and says to the genie, “I want them both back by 3: 30. ”