Lunch Jokes / Recent Jokes

This two ladies, one with red hair and the other one blond, went to a nice restaurant to have lunch.
The waiter asks the blonde if she would like something to drink and she ordered a pepsi. And the lady with the red hair, oredered a double bols and coke.
After the waiter have left, the blond says that she was'nt aware that she could have order anything like that.
When the waiter returned with the orders, she asked him to cancel the pepsi, and bring something else instead. Sure the waiter replied, what will it be then?
Two dicks and a pepsi please!

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break...
"I know how to get money real quick" says one," how?"
"go to your dad and say, "I know the truth" and he'll give you money"
So the young boy went home and said "dad, I know the truth" and
his dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone' the truth'.
He then went to his mother, " Mom, I know the truth" he said.
"Please don't tell your dad" she said and gave him twenty dollars.
Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. "I know the truth," he shouted out.
The milkman replied "Well come and hug your real father then"

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered -"I guess you'd be eating alone!"

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then more...

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."
His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!! DAY ONE---- Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handfull of potato chips, and a glass of milk ( 3 sips only, then spill the rest) Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips more...

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."