Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...
After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the more...

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.
He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."
He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water."

While driving through an Indian reservation, the salesman was approached by a very lovely Algonquin maid, who offered herself to him for fifty dollars. "That's a lot of money," he said. "Manhattan Island cost only twenty-four."
"True," she agreed, "but Manhattan Island just lies there."

One day the Mexican maid announced to her boss's wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."
The wife was both surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
This time, the wife was horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and you son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

While driving through an Indian reservation, the salesman was approached by a very lovely Algonquin maid, who offered herself to him for fifty dollars. "That's a lot of money," he said.

"Manhattan Island cost only twenty-four."

"True," she agreed, "but Manhattan Island just lies there."

John and Claire are just newly married. They are still a little shy about doing the "wild thing", so they decide to just refer to it as "washing the clothes". One night, Claire invites some of her friends over for dinner, but John is really horny and doesn't want to have to entertain their guests. So, as Claire is serving the main course, he whispers in her ear, "Let's go wash the clothes". Claire is horrified that he could even suggest such a thing while they're entertaining, and she refuses. John tries again, but she won't give in. Claire tells him instead to go upstairs and get the candleholders from the hall closet. Frustrated, John slowly walks up the stairs to get them.While he's upstairs, Claire thinks of the fun they'd have if they COULD "wash the clothes". Nah, she thinks. Not now. But eventually her imagination gets the best of her, and she tells the maid to run upstairs and tell John that she'll be up in a minute to help him. The maid more...