Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said." Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, more...
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered:
"I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse.He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept;He crept up close to the wall;He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall.He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay;But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray.At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said;She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed.She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head;The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed.From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck;The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck.She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as cool as a more...
A man phones his home number from work and a strange woman answers the phone.
"Who is this?" he asks.
"This is the maid," the woman answers.
"Excuse me? We don't have a maid!" replies the man.
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house," explains the woman.
"I see. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" asks the man.
"Ummmm, yes," says the woman, "but she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just assumed was her husband."
The man is furious and asks the maid, "How would you like to make $50,000?"
"Sure, but what do I have to do?" she asks.
"Get the gun from my desk in the den and shoot the bitch and the jerk she's with," he says.
The maid puts the phone down. The man then hears footsteps, followed by a couple of shots.
The maid returns to the phone and asks, "Ok, now what do I do with the more...
President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President--I'll remove the mirrors right away.
"Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Okay, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But I've been screwing the maid too, and I've got the same symptoms he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up," replied the doctor.
"Well," the man admitted, "I think my wife has it too."
"Oh crap!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"
Q: What is the difference between a rooster, Uncle Sam, and an old maid?
A: The rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo"; Uncle Sam says, "Yankee-doodle-do"- and an old maid says, "Any dude'll do."