Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

SUBJECT: Soap Saga
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank
you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should
change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which more...

The maid was scheduled to stay a year, but had asked her agency to be transferred to another family after two months.The woman of the house was irate: "How can you do this to us? " she stormed. "I've treated you like one of the family."The maid replied, "Ohhh... So you admit it!!!"

Dieter Bohlen, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are perished with a motoring accident. Arrived in heaven, Petrus open them the door and say:"step in but there's one rule who you must observe: never trample on a duck or else there are disastrouses consequences for you."
When then they stepped in, all the floor was full with ducks. They tried hard that it don't happen this. But the first who happened this was Brad Pitt. Petrus brang him an ugly maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
On the next day, Tom Cruise trampled on a duck. Petrus brang him even a much uglier maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
Dieter Bohlen didn't trample now on a duck more than a month. Petrus came to him with an unbelievable beautiful maid how Dieter did't she visualize in his wildest dreams. Then he meant to her:"What I more...

A story I'll tell of a burglar bold
Who started to rob a house;
He opened the window, and then crept in
As quiet as a mouse.
He looked around for a place to hide,
'Till the folks were all asleep,
Then said he, "With their money
I'll take a quiet sneak."
So under the bed the burglar crept;
He crept up close to the wall;
He didn't know it was an old maid's room
Or he wouldn't have had the gall.
He thought of the money that he would steal,
As under the bed he lay;
But at nine o'clock he saw a sight
That made his hair turn gray.
At nine o'clock the old maid came in;
"I am so tired," she said;
She thought that all was well that night
So she didn't look under the bed.
She took out her teeth and her big glass eye,
And the hair from off her head;
The burglar, he had forty fits
As he watched from under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crept,
He more...

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she
was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last
days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that
she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker
told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it
in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the
inscription to be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened"

Hotel LettersThe following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.Thank you,
S. BermanDear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I lefttoday which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this issatisfactory.Kathy,
Relief MaidDear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. more...

Little Johnny came home early from school and started calling his mother with no answer. He finally went up stairs and saw the bedroom door was open a little. When he peered in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said "Mommy, Mommy guess what I saw? I saw daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were......." and his Mother said, "Stop right there, Johnny". Wait until supper tonight when the maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, then tell me the story."
At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she winked and Johnny began again. "Mommy, when I got home from school early today, I was looking for you and saw daddy on the bed with the maid. They were doing the same thing that I saw you and Uncle Phil doing at the cottage last summer."