Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received more...
ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?
SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.
PIRANHAS
If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.
MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you more...
1,222! 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed;28 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and explain how the light bulb could have been changed differently;14 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs;149 to write to the list administrator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list;111 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to litebulb-list;112 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list;309 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty;26 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs;15 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs;4 to post about links they found from more...
Top 10 Resolutions You Won't Keep This Year (for Nerds)
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
9. I will stop sending email to my roommate.
8. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.
6. When I subscribe to a news group or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear... I'm coming. Never mind.
4. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
3. I resolve to back up my new 2 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
2. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.
1. I won't try to get onto the Netscape web site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.
0. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."
-1. I will read the manual.
-2. I will think of a password more...
When you call us to have your computer moved be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards baby pictures stuffed animals dried flowers bowling trophies and childrens art. We dont have a life and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Dont write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I. T. person says he is coming right over go for coffee. That way you wont be there when we need your password. Its nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When you call the help desk state what you want not whats keeping you from getting it. We dont need to know that you cant get into your mail because your computer wont power on at all.
When I. T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance delete it at once. We are just testing.
When an I. T. person is eating lunch at his desk walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to more...
How to Please Your I. T. Department
01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
03. When an I. T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
05. When I. T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
06. When an I. T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your more...